you - a homecoming

fell asleep on your sturdy chest while drifting off into a subconscious blur on the train ride after a blessed brunch of poached eggs & smoked salmon, how herculean your chest felt as you cradled the side of my head with your cautious hand, the crevice of your neck leaning into mine, how safe, how sound, how dreamily i smiled as landon pigg's falling in love at a coffee shop became backdrop in our ears - the one tune that had made me want to fall in love in rj days, how blessed i was to be able to listen to it once again - this time with someone who makes me feel like i will be safe in his loving arms, even with the walls crumbling all around me - with you, in your arms.

i thought the romantic in me died when my heart kept getting broken by the reality of boys who were never careful enough, but you bring out that side of me again, the latent writer & poet who finds beauty in the expression of feelings into words, so that i can paint a picture of you not only in visions but also in words. how ironic, that you deal with numbers and scientific terms better than poetry & art, that you are able to make me feel more connected with the innate humanistic psyche that got gradually lost along the way until i didn't want to write anymore bc there was nothing joyful worth writing about - only pain & sadness that had to be catharcised, letters to myself that had to be set alight & reduced to ashes. but you who affirm me, who not only celebrate my joys with me but also carry my burdens, who uplift me & lead me to the One Thing not only in brokenness but even in the little things - you who are willing to have both mindless & necessary conversations with me, you who always do things not for yourself, but for "us" -

you who unlock the girlish, soft side of me while continually supporting the fiercely ambitious facet of my personality that needs to soar in my own personal & professional life - it is you who are my homecoming, the sturdy reel of the kite that is me.

you (abridged version)

with you,
in an alternate universe -
your hand in mine,
our heads in the clouds,
a million illuminated lanterns drifting,
floating upwards - a landscape
of innumerable constellations,
as multitudinous as the descendants
God promised to abraham -
fireworks going off in my head:
the sensation of falling headfirst is
so ineffable, i can only describe
it as backdrop.

i close my eyes
& see your face imprinted
in my mind -
(those staring episodes were
for memory work)
puppy eyes, droppy eyelids, with a
tiny mole next to the right;
a large nose with a straight bridge
diverging into two nostrils;
boat-shaped lips almost symmetrical;
(this was why my finger kept tracing
your lips - to commit them to memory)
cheeks that fit nicely
into two outstretched palms of my hands,
soft hair & a sharp chin that is your pride,
& bags your bragging rights.

you who remember my
favourite things & activities,
who are not afraid of telling me
you miss me,
who hug me even in your dreams.
you who plan & prepare
for our dates,
despite your punishing work schedule.
you who make me feel
as valued - or more so
than how i value myself,
who (love) me for me
& not for my body - to you
i am not just an object, to be touched &
paraded around - a trophy only to be
shined in public.
you who are as auntie
as i am, that we can always count
on each other -
not just for comfort in sadness,
but also tissues, & umbrellas.

you who make me feel
like i can be a modern day
kickass princess warrior
like mulan - everyday i
thank You, for you.
"and at last i see the light 
& it's like the sky is new,
& it's warm & real & bright
& the world has somehow shifted."