fusion

somehow knowing that i am back to the arts route is like balm to my irresolute heart: perhaps all this while i have been staving off the hunger towards this intrinsic predilection & hardening my mind to feast my eyes on alternative distractions - just so that the alternative path would not have hurt so much. i do not regret choosing pragmatism though - opening my eyes to the options available then and making an unwavered decision based on practicality, which was the next best route i could have taken.

even though waiting so earnestly with bated breath was agonising to the point of hot tears, it had sowed in me seeds of groundedness that i had always shunned away from (i think i am almost a different person in that aspect compared to rj days). i am just so thankful that god has given me this opportunity to reconcile both ideals and new-found practicality - this is indeed (in my opinion) the best confluence of both worlds.

nevertheless, it still feels like i am taking a plunge - but what a ride it will be, that i am certain of.

arrival: promised land

today marks the fulfilment of the second clause in His long-standing promise that had seen me through the arduous past year & the wait that had ensued: He has taken me from

"strength to strength, & glory to glory". 

a closing door flung open, a shredded rope hauled to shore. 

this is the ultimatum - the promised land brimming with milk & honey.

wanderer

god just let me settle somewhere i am tired of being neither here nor there

(i've waited for four months for an inconclusive conclusion & i know that i am acting like a child - moses waited for forty years, yes - but i am not moses & i will never be moses / i don't even need the promised land anymore just lead me to green pastures & still waters.)