felt like i was a floating body in a languid state, pulled & shoved by the relentless waves of people in the canteen today
watching, subconsciously aware that i was immersed in such an environment, yet my thoughts were thrown in the wind, drifting fortuitously about
watching people look like they had it all
watching the effacement of my own form, watching myself spinning dizzily from the blank walls
maybe not talking much makes me retreat into an inner shell
"maybe it's the thresholds that swallow us whole"
what happened? it hadn't been a day
but it felt, it feels
like walls are building up, people are struggling to justify themselves,
& the air slowly reeks of hostility, of fierce competition ignorant of a goal
all that's left is a trace of lightness
soon, it will be as such:
"all morning / the morning has been blackening" (sheep in fog, sylvia plath)
if only dealing with people were as easy as peeling off the petals of a dead rose-- less painful & like worn paper
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