a list of things

a list of things on my mind right now:

1) you relent to impulses too easy (it's 12:17 & no prizes for guessing who has given in to penning down her thoughts instead of catching up on sleep- so hard to decide which is the better friend)

2) note to self: stop falling in love with ideas before you get crushed- warped like the mangled, carnal carcass of a twisted owl

3) again: please stop falling in love with ideas and things that are not yours & will never be

4) i know this is wrong & i should not even be thinking about this but let's be friends?

5) i must be going mad this is so unlike me

6) lord please guard my heart, please

7) Your will above all

8) lord i don't want You to be another idea that i will fall in love with- i want to fall in love with You- Your core, Your soul, Your grace, everything that is so real, it is like flesh

9) short library exploring with chloe made my day- so many books i want to read, but so many constraints: they have waited to be discovered until their pages are jaundiced & brittle with isolation

10) finally meeting with one in a mil tomorrow

11) it is so hard to do something right because we are all so vested & blinded by our self-interests-i don't blame anyone for it, but i still want to make a difference (it is so hard to be reckless) (sigh)

12) perhaps the reason why we dislike a certain group of people is because they remind us of a carnal portion of ourselves that not only repulses us, but forces us to obliterate every trace of it in the name of self-defense

13) i never carry out any grand schemes that i cook up in my head because they always lose their novelty & i am too lazy to remember them


14) denise, how are you going to wake up tomorrow?

15) i cannot decide if this is a passively i.e "you" or actively addressed & acknowledged i.e "i" list to myself so i am going to leave it as it is, goodnight