(disclaimer: my memory is nebulous but hopefully i captured the gist of the conversation this afternoon-the quotation marks serve only to mark the start & end of the dialogue exchange)
"who is your favourite author?"
a.p: "this is a hard question, i do not have any favourite authors but i have a few...*lists his favourite ones (but i was too tired & could only capture "murakami"). honestly, my favourite author is me, because i am the voice that is lacking in the world, i mean why would you write about something that is already existent..it's only because my thoughts are not found in any of my favourite authors' that i have to pen them down, but like i mentioned earlier you have to have a balanced diet"
"so, who is your rice?"
a.p: "honestly, well it's still me. it's true, because you have to be your own rice"
//
i survived a crazy day today
even though i was drowsy from lethargy & flailing against sleep's hold during the workshop today, i think the time was so well spent. i think i felt adrenaline course through my veins whenever he talked with so much animation & passion about the causes which he espouses--passion emanating with an incandescent glow from one's inner being is extremely enchanting in my opinion
'the last time i'd seen Passion, he had fine features , deep-set eyes, and a certain rough charm which drew some people to him, but put others off. he loved strong colours-- night black, angel white, bleeding red, thunderstorm blue. if you come across him, please ask him to drop by. let him know we miss him--his smile, his playful seriousness , the way he would take you by the hand and show you what you've always wanted to see' -pg 21 "what gives us our names" a.p
i'm glad that i didn't let feelings of inadequacy anchor me down. being in a class surrounded by brilliant minds, people who knew the right questions to ask & the right words to use to defend their arguments, people who were just so well-versed in every single aspect. i am not smart, but not being proficient at something should not negate me of the right to be interested & enthralled by that thing. i am poor at it, but who is anyone to deny me of the opportunity for growth (however minimal) through condescension?
i shall not be afraid, i shall not be ashamed
maybe i am my own giant, i am too afraid of what brilliant people will think of my token of effort
"i once asked Courage what he was afraid of. he joked that he lived every day in fear that it would be his last. and then as i turned to go, he whispered to me what he truly feared above all else: that things would remain only as they are" -pg 38
(thank you joy for the lovely book: i would have otherwise merely drifted through the two hours if i didn't know the sheer brilliance of a.p & his ability to string words into meaning that hits close to home)
(cdance teacher commented that i looked really happy during dance today, perhaps i should really smile more: i think my heart's finally in the right place)
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