why?
perhaps the most preeminent & austere reason why is that i don't want to be scared anymore
i want to be david in the presence of goliath- no, more than that, i want to befriend the giant that has hitherto been plaguing my self-esteem like weeds in its parasitic nature
i want to rediscover the joy in living (via enjoying what i am doing given the current parameters of my life), & the only way to do that before time becomes a hostile nemesis is to sacrifice smaller ideals with faith that it will translate into the fulfillment of bigger ideals in the long run
!!i.have.decided.&.there.will.be.no.turning.back!!
(this really reminds me of z's hxh draft about "gravity" [that is still in the end-process of editorial work]: a fusion of her words & mine have been haunting me ever since this issue had impudently elbowed its way into all of my thoughts this morning i.e. gravity as a "shackle", "leap of faith", "gravity has no hold over god" - am i abnormal if this makes me strangely pleased??)
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