purity

been parading around today with a cavern in my psyche

am unsure if it was the cumulative product of self-conflict, or if it seemed abrupt because i hadn't noticed it growing in my lungs

on deciding whether to appeal for isle, i had questioned my agenda for applying for it in the first place,
& i honestly do not know myself if i actually have another agenda buried under wraps that even this heart cannot detect

yes, i wish to serve, but some part of me keeps telling me that i don't deserve to because i am not sincere enough, some part of me keeps whispering that i've only but fallen in love with the idea & not the act itself

i have learnt enough to know that falling in love with ideas is my pitfall

if i am waging an internal war, fighting in a plume of smoke within the recesses of my head
how can they take me seriously if i am not 100% convicted that my motives are pure?

lord cleanse my heart & let everything i do be solely out of glorification
let everything that i do be done in love