do you ever miss a moment even before it is gone?
missing a moment in itself is like holding in a single palm both bliss & vacuity - the hapless feeling of watching & feeling sand slipping through your fingers, when all that you can do is to merely gape at the small spectacle unfolding & think "this is now & now is gone; i am here, not over there"
sometimes i wish that i could scoop up (with my arms) the moment(s) before me & tuck it (them) safely in my pocket; sometimes its (their) fleetingness haunt(s) me even before i can fully appreciate the moment(s) & embrace it (them)
i wish my eyes were the camera shutters that take in everything but never forget, like how a photograph can never disown itself because memories may elude the people in the photograph but it still never forgets
but i can't do either
& so i will just continue to live for the future (it is so easy to say "live for the present" but find yourself unable to act on it because you are trapped in the future), to jot down memories & attempt to make them concrete (albeit slightly lost in translation) by giving them faces (through words) & stay thankful for the memories that are worth preserving
//
also was doing abit of revision for "the age of innocence" (because alvls come full circle & y5 work then becomes equally relevant)
realised i have not lost my enchantment for the ending - indeed i do agree with a particular yt comment that says "it could not have ended any other way"
no, contrary to people's perceptions of me i do not like sad endings
but you have to understand that this ending had to end the way it did
because ideals & real life are irreconcilable in an imperfect world - archer would not have marred his vision with the cruel, macabre speck of reality or even the probable reality of finding out that his ideals tucked in his treasure trove were nothing but shams
& neither will i
( i have already given them proper burial)
No comments:
Post a Comment