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no, this will no longer be a negation of ineffable feelings/thoughts,
nor an attempt to remain impervious to inevitable changes.

i used to think that this unsettling stoicism in my psyche was borne out of an interactive, constant cycle of pelting & numbing,
but today i've realised that this unease is precisely the product of acceptance (which should not be used interchangeably with resignation) that has been gradually defusing into my veins, so gradual that it has become unconscious & one with my being

& so, this will now form the cement of the ground i am treading on.
it has started to become a recontextualisation, a redefinition - the same things that had once made my heart sink into its cavern can now sing & bestow blessings.

things that used to remind me of the vacuous will now merely remind me, of me.
(how do i put this properly into words but freedom comes two-fold for me in this season)

!! so immensely & positively hyped up bc life begins when this weekend ends !!
(yes, life has yet to begin)