"happy" 2k15

spent new year's eve at the airport & ushered in 2k15 on the airplane; it was absolutely lovely trying not to think ill of turbulence on the plane (especially with the extremely recent air disaster)  & trusting in the Almighty's arms to hold it up in the skies (irrational i know, but uncertainty is as real as it is irrational). [funny how i welcomed the new year with a sense of foreboding from a literal event that aptly mirrors the figurative]

2k14 has been a sentimental year - strangely the bad actually clouds the laboured year with fondness, especially in retrospect. i feel like we/i've laboured too hard last year & december came by too quickly. it's gone now and i feel like i've used up my grace period bc now i have to be more responsible for myself than i would have ever liked. (i only ever wanted independence of thought, not independence from being -completely- materially/physically cared for)

anyway, spent countdown journaling at the airport bc i just had to let something (?? idek what this was) out:

we've worked too hard,
slogged our guts worth
for the coveted slip of gold -
our entrance ticket
to yet another rat race.

fourteen minutes
to the end
of another beginning.
i am ambivalent -
a mere matter of minutes before
we land at the foot
of another arduous cliff.

time - an incorporeal being;
slipping like sand
yet
so intangible, its worth
lies in recognition.

i wish
i could choose negation;
but i cannot afford
being
left behind.

"welcome to singapore, the time now is 5:36 a.m, 1st january 2015"