remembering faithfulness

a rare, late night solitary worship with songs that had tided me through the arduous 2k14, songs that had reminded me then to look up from my own limited hands. 

it is as if i have been transported back into that specific period of time: bethel tunes softly emanating from the bedside speaker; the dim glow from the lamp illuminating the room & consequently dispelling the shroud of morning darkness; the occasional, solemn declarations against engulfing spasms of fear. they bring me back to the posture of absolute surrender that i have already forgotten - 4.45 am moments reserved for remembering the One who always went (& will always go) ahead of me (before burying myself in dreadful, last-minute memorisation tasks of notes that i had hitherto not even looked through, all the way until breakfast/the ominous journey towards the ish.) 

it is so convenient to forget Your faithfulness, especially when these memories are clouded by the haze of retrospect - but as for tonight/this morning, i will remember still, 

& i will give my thanks.