feels really good to wake up with a heart full of faith, especially after a cloudy night of feverish thoughts which tell me i am not good enough & thus am singled out to wait, once again (as if this is a measure of my worth??? but late night thoughts are often more warped than fresh thoughts which come with the dawn of a new day).
was leafing through my journal just to ascertain how true & good god has been to me - his sheer providence during the madness of a level days & his promises which were prayed over me, time & again. one particular promise (which had been prophesied over me two weeks before the actual a levels) has been the bulwark of my faith:
he will take me from strength to strength & glory to glory (if i believe)
the former clause of his ultimate promise has already been fulfilled last year,
& i am still awaiting the latter of his ultimate promise, for the ultimatum.
this is no longer just prepping myself for false hope & aggravating the back-breaking fall that may succeed. this is believing that god does not do a work halfway, but sees it to its glorious fulfilment.
(do not tell me not to hope, bc hope is all that i have left before the door really closes)
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