eighteen of my favourite feelings part ii

recess week is finally here & i now have time on my hands so here is the continuation of the next six:

7.  finally nailing something rly difficult

the eureka moment when light tears through the cloak of clouds fogging up my brain & the formless figures suddenly reorganise & shape themselves into something coherent i.e. how i had felt the night before last thursday's qr exam - finally understanding how to enact functional commands on rstudio past midnight (thanks dave if you ever see this). more than that, it is the immense relief emanating from the clenched fist uncurling in my chest & the sinking pit in my stomach evaporating into thin air - the prospect of finally getting a good night's sleep. this is also (usually) a prelude to point two, which calls for a combo.

8. when i am so genuinely, incandescently happy that i just cannot help smiling at everyone & everything

the rare feeling of having my cup overflow: exuding happiness in its unadulterated & most distilled form that i cannot help but smile; to feel my heart beating in my chest with such an invigorating vengeance to live despite the bad; to mouth a quick prayer to god telling Him that i am so thankful to be alive.

everyday i pray to god for little pockets of happiness and sometimes i get more than my lot.

9.  immersing & consequently losing myself in a good book

feeling so at one with the words & characters that i feel i can almost reach out into the pages & hug them: to momentarily forget & transcend the now in the present for the now in then, to feel so understood by someone - even if that person is fictional, for once in a really long time.

“i believe in fiction and the power of stories because that way we speak in tongues. we are not silenced. all of us, when in deep trauma, find we hesitate, we stammer; there are long pauses in our speech. the thing is stuck. we get our language back through the languages of others. we can turn to the poem. we can open the book. somebody has been there for us and deep-dived the words.” (p. 9, why be happy when you could be normal - j.w.) 

one of my most favourite quotes ever

10. surrounding myself with people who are on the same frequency as me i.e. -100 humour

i think life is already hard as it is & laughter should thus be purely recreational & instinctive: mindless laughing at idiotic things is my favourite - if you tell me a joke/point something stupid out to me & i start squatting in the middle of the road that we're walking on, gasping for air (bc i am laughing too hard), you will have succeeded in making me truly happy momentarily.

i rmb once (during the post-As mbs stay with my fav rg people), jal & i both spotted an avocado lying in the middle of the supermarket looking so pitiful & misplaced that we just could not stop laughing / or how i nearly suffocated from laughing when they proceeded to discreetly situate a bag of rocky mountain marshmallows near my face such that i almost face-fived it when i turned around, just bc i had mentioned the night before that i was sleeping on marshmallow cushions i.e. ultra soft mbs cushions). these little things sound so stupid when verbalised in words, but my humour is unabashedly negative hundred (aggravated by how visual a person i am - my imagination just goes crazy on the inside)

11. surrounding myself with like-minded people

i read somewhere in a thought catalog article about extroverted introverts having days when they feel like talking to everyone & days when they do not want to be contacted at all. on days reflecting the former clause, i really love the feeling of surrounding myself with people who have similar perspectives/ideals/humor/beauty&fashion tastes/interests/inclinations/passions/work-ethic etc. as i do bc time spent together usually culminates in high-quality spontaneity & bouncing off each other's ideas i.e. content creation?? in this day & age where it is so easy to feel lonely in a crowd, feeling at one with people reminds me how human interactions can actually bring a lot of good.

13. long & tight hugs with people whom i reciprocally love (keyword: reciprocal)

i never realised touch is my greatest love language (even surpassing quality time which is quite a feat if you know me well enough) until i found out last semester, when it gradually dawned on me the value of physical touch in instantaneously bridging the figurative distances between two people - regardless of romantic/platonic status. (i'm referring to small gestures rather than ... the kind of gooey, inextricable, slimy version of touch). this came even as a surprise to me bc i don't come off as a very touchy person at all but i guess it works conversely for me: i am highly selective precisely bc physical touch is so precious to me.

as such, i love the feeling when physical touch & quality time converges in the form of long & tight hugs (also backhugs !!!!) - they instantly warm my heart & make me feel so loved & full of love.

& who, afterall, doesn't want to feel loved?