contentment

i do not dare speak for the future, but as of this very moment:

compared to last winter, i think i am in a much happier state of mind -

i may currently be a half-faced chipmunk but to have taken out my impacted wisdom tooth that had caused me so much agony in my busiest days last semester (i never get headaches but when it was emerging from my gum & chafing against my molar it made my head a wreck) - knowing that i will not have the time & the convenience of staying at home for a stretch of time if i had procrastinated it to next semester

to have gone on a road trip with friends (albeit a short one) - i've always wanted to do something like that but until I took on new york & hong kong alone i don't think my parents ever thought i was capable of leaving sg soil for leisure without them

to have made concrete plans wrt picking up bahasa melayu again - & feeling the euphoric rush of digging up extremely familiar-sounding words long forgotten from the archival recesses of my brain

to be able to envisage & concretely dream about what i'll be doing for half of summer 2k17: this time the prospect of being stranded in a country for a prolonged period of time where its first language will be my fourth (how unparalleled an experience that will be: i survived new york bc its first language is very much mine; i survived hong kong bc its second language is also very much mine; i survived m'sia bc if english fails i know i can count on four & a half years of archival malay to tide me through basic conversations; will i be competent enough after another semester of spanish for it to be my life buoy for *crosses fingers* a month alone in spain?)

to have single-handedly risen up to challenge of the one thing that (just thinking about it) had scared the crap out of me throughout the year, & realise at this point in my life that i am not only still holding up but also close to the 10k mark

to be able to spend my days sprawled on the couch to read, read & read / or spend 3am mornings vicariously living through the lives of highly idealistic, fictitious korean characters

& lastly, to have felt the affectionate grip of a warm hand as we cruised through christmas wonderland together

if this is not contentment i don't know what this is.