what i'll miss about this transitory season

there are moments which you only miss after they pass you by, but there are also moments which you know you'll miss even as they are passing you by. 

i feel the latter so strongly on this quiet night: drake & post malone in the background, sparkling ribena in a wine glass by my bedside as a poor substitute, eagerly awaiting a new jo malone scent i'd just ordered online to mark this new, transitory season from womanhood into impending motherhood. being alone with my thoughts and feeling like myself again despite the burgeoning belly. counting my blessings that He has so wonderfully stitched together the desires of my heart in the wildest manner - turning the mess of this extensive massacre in tech into a personal testimony and enabling me to focus on cultivating one season at a time (where i'm headed for next in my career is still unknown and the unknown is always unsettling for someone like me who loves clarity, but by God's providence i can afford to park that discovery until next year when i'm ready to start thinking about career once again). 

what will i miss? 

i'll miss the stillness of being in our nest exclusive to just the both of us - m & me. i'll miss feeling you doing a little submarine dance inside my belly - squirming and doing little punches to remind me of mealtimes whenever you get hungry (and my body responding by assaulting me with ravenous hunger - the kind of hunger that makes me get up at 5am to make pancakes !!!). i'll miss sleeping in and waking up to the prospect of being able to have a leisurely breakfast as well as a clear schedule ahead of me. i'll miss m snuggling up to my belly and calling your name. i'll miss both the freedom and mobility of being able to go for shopping/tea dates with mumsie at whim, or being able to freely grab lunch with friends/former colleagues. i'll miss wind-down, uninterrupted drama nights with m in the comfort of our bedroom. i'll miss being able to take naps throughout the day and being the most well-rested i've ever been. 

i've gotten so comfortable with this season - it feels nice to feel in control but i'm cognisant that we've also finally arrived at the last stretch of this marathon. i imagine what awaits us at the finish line of this race will be sheer havoc and a whirlwind of emotions - from postpartum blues to inexplicable joy to mental breakdowns from the lack of sleep. but it is also a necessary rite of passage and one that we've actively chosen. above all, it is the passage that allows us to finally meet you - an inch towards manifesting the truest and most beautiful story of my life using the language of imagination.