pupa

here i am: 

me in the present moment -

taking it all in as i stand at the cusp

of a new and foreign season ahead.

i am where i want to be,

but still - it remains difficult to reconcile

conceptually ready me with the present me,

who feels as if i'm an outsider looking in. 

in this transitory season,

i feel i am in limbo - 

cocooned in a chrysalis. 

days past an unfettered version of my youth,

days awaiting a cardinal transformation

of my identity unlike any other i've hitherto known.

i struggle to remember how life was before this,

but i also struggle to envisage how life will be after this. 

and so

i just straddle the in-between,

trying to embrace this current season of stillness -

stillness before the whirlwind of all that is to come.

hands pressed against my ballooning abdomen

counting flutters and kicks 

emanating from the inside,

the most tangible reminder that 

everything is poised to change: 

the three month countdown has already begun

until we finally get to meet

you.  

(i can't wait to find out how you'll look like, our little beanie)