restored back from exile

it has been more than a week since i started work back at the same company that i was previously at, now having pivoted into a role that has been on my career bucket list for a long while. it was a role that i knew deep down i was running away from, but was also cognisant that i should attempt it at least once in my professional life, so that i will be able to confidently say that i've tried and either conquered it, or realised it isn't for me. 

"...when seventy years are completed for babylon, I will come to you and fulfil My good promise to bring you back to this place." 

i have been restored back to this place that i was once from. 

in a really human way, waiting on God's timing was difficult while being in the thick of it. even as door after door slammed shut in my face, i knew in my heart that God had the best plan in store for me, but i would be lying if i said my optimism and faith did not waver as the months started stretching out. not knowing when a drought will end is a scary feeling. i yearned for the relief of rain to come and deliver me from what had seemed like the pointless toil of tailoring applications after applications without an end in sight. 

but that experience has demonstrated once again that God's divine providence and timing are indeed impeccable. my severance package was at the tail end of its generous lifespan - it was slated to run out by may this year, but my current payroll will begin from this may onwards. the little "merry-go-rounds" i went on while searching for the right opportunity enabled me to build resilience while plant(ing) and eat(ing) in the season i was in. but most importantly - that season of professional drought enabled me to not just witness, but also play an active part in caring for our tiny newborn and watching her blossom into a feisty little human being with the cutest babbles to express her big emotions which she hasn't quite found the words for. i always knew i needed that season, but now that i am away from baby n for majority of the time during the weekdays, i am so thankful that i had ten solid months of quality time with her.

in this new season, i want to remember that my worth is not in how many deals i close or how much revenue i bring in, but in my identity as the daughter of the most High. i want to remember that money can get really good but i am ultimately a steward of my resources, and the true value of money is its use in showing the people around me that i care about them. i want to remember that He is my giant slayer, and i only need to pull heavenly strings when i have tried my best and exhausted all my options. i want to remember that i am here to be salt and light on this earth, that my actions may point people towards Him. 

i know the road ahead will be tough but i am both encouraged (by my new team who reminds me of my grad program ohana) and excited to meet with the denise of the past from nyc's union square in '16. i've really missed the feeling of setting my heart alight from stepping up to face something that had hitherto scared me, showing up for myself despite the fear and conquering it until it no longer scares me. my muscle for showing up for myself had atrophied during my time working at home and i am exhilarated to be meeting with the favourite parts of my former self in this upcoming season.