what constitutes happiness and contentment?

i've been thinking a lot about what brings me contentment and happiness these days.

for me, it ultimately boils down to these few things:

• freedom to do what i want, whenever i want it
• operating from a position of abundance rather than scarcity
• a sense of fulfilment from being one step closer to manifesting my idea of the truest and most beautiful story of my life that i can imagine. 

inevitably there are and will continue to be bad days, but today i want to remember what being in a good headspace feels like. 

the weekends are such a relief bc i have time to slow down and bask in the fruits of our labour from the work week. 

it is precisely hard work that makes rest days truly so restful. it is also work that brings bread to the table and enables me (and by extension, us) to feel like we can operate from a position of abundance. 

there are times during the work week that i find myself momentarily wishing i were another person in another role doing something else that would feel easier than whatever i'm going through feels to the current me. but on the weekends when we are splurging on nicer restaurants and the little, spontaneous purchases that still constitute as "spending below our means" - just bc we feel like it, i find myself being so grateful for the work that we get to do, bc it enables us to operate from a position of abundance rather than scarcity. there are few things more cathartic than blowing cash on something that you really want on whim, and knowing that you can do that bc it does not make a dent on your existing finances. 

work is high stress but i know it will pay high dividends in the long run - not just monetarily but from the perspective of professional growth. the learning curve is steep but so are the tangible and intangible upsides. learning how to be ok with rejection or awkward situations, learning how to get better at qualifying hard and fast by asking the right questions, stepping up to the negotiation table and navigating that delicate "dance" of give-and-take, sharpening the art of persuasion, honing on that executive presence to engage with c-suite decision-makers who need to be the ones performing the sign-off etc - there is so much to gain from this role if i can just hold on, one quarter at a time. and with God's providence and grace, i know i can. 

it is also precisely bc work is tough that i know these growing pains are bringing me closer to where i envisage i want to be. every few months i go back to the narrative of what i imagine as the truest and most beautiful version of my life that i wrote back in 2022, before we even conceived baby n.  

"we're at the mall and i'm clasping the tiny palm of our little baby girl...even trips to the supermarket have become family adventures now." 

" i take in the scene of what has now become my world - our baby girl sleepily snuggling her nose into m's chest...life now is an amalgamation of quiet moments and sheer havoc. we ricochet between the two extreme ends. sometimes the incredulity of it all makes us want to cry and laugh at the same time, but in an ironic sense it is also the havoc that completes us and we wouldn't have it any other way." 

there is now a face that completes this narrative. it is a face we have all come to love dearly, and i feel so blessed to be able to do this in tandem with working on my career, even as i grit my teeth through the agonising moments rigged with anxiety and stress. 

in a weird sense - i think this is what happiness and contentment feel like. there is no perfect situation or happy pill that makes everything magically happier or life more content. it is found in moments where a delicate balance is struck between grit and enjoying the fruits that strife brings.